What Tonbo has learned from watching anime.

(Aside from how to speak Japanese like a cartoon character.)

Thanks to all otaku-sempai who helped point out these lessons.




General Lessons:

Fans are fans the world over

Be grateful for insulated walls, privacy, affordable meat and comfy beds.

Arbitrary literary-genre distinctions are meaningless.

Modern North-American popular attitudes toward gender and sexual orientation are parochial and obsolete.

Men are NOT all attracted to the same thing in women!

There's no accounting for taste.

People will take any excuse to party.

Generation X is alive and well and learning Japanese.

Japanese fem-bots dress better than today's teenagers.

It just doesn't pay to be a faceless minion.

For women: It's fine to wear skimpy clothing as long as you can kick butt.
For men: It's fine to look like a girl as long as you can kick butt.

Copyright laws do not always serve the best interests of the creators, writers or production companies. (And the smart ones know it, use it, and are making a lot of money!)

Gai-jin just wanna have fun!

Some of the best artists alive today are painting cels in Japan.

The minimum number of VCR's one needs is three ... two to make a copy of something while watching something else on the third.

Bells and whistles on your A/V equipment matter when you're showing 14th gen copies to a few dozen of your closest friends.

There is a use for extended warranties.

There are an infinite number of alternate universes, each with its own version of Tenchi Muyo.

Sooner or later, everyone ends up stranded on a desert island.

"Domo","baka","yosh!", and "omae wa mo shinderu" are useful expressions.

Despite decades of unceasing effort, some things still just don't translate!

Some songs are better if you don't know the words.

A dialogue-free scene with identical background music can actually be funnier in the sub than the dub. It is not logical, but it is often so.

Everyone needs a hobby. Many need a life.


Genre-Specific Lessons:

Classic Anime

The quality of animation does not necessarily improve the quality of the plot.

When you see Harlock's flag, yield the Right of Way.

I really need a giant robot.

Shoujo Anime

Women love violence.

They also love men with nice hair and cute bottoms.

Men love cute cuddly little moppets.

Cuteness is a force to be reckoned with.

The line between Kowai and Kawaii is razor thin.

There are just as many shows in Japan trying to sell merchandise as there are in America.

It's scary, but the same marketing that is aimed at eight-to-fourteen year old girls also seems to work well for middle-aged businessmen.

People will love you for who you are ... as long as you're secretly a super-hero.

Shonen Anime

Women love violence.

The single greatest indicator of a man's fighting prowess is the bushiness of his eyebrows.

If you can't have bushy eyebrows, razor-thin ones are the next best thing.

It is possible to have warm cuddly feelings toward huge mechanical killing-machines.

There is no such thing as power without cost.

People will love you for who you are ... as long as you're a super-hero or control a giant robot.


Series-Specific Lessons:

3x3 Eyes

If you have to have your soul ripped from you and "eaten" by a three eyed monster, find one that's cute.

If you have to have your soul ripped from you and "eaten" by a three eyed monster, becoming unkillable afterwards is a nice bonus. Especially if she's cute.

The problem with being unkillable is that you'll likely end up having opportunity to use that power ... often.
 ("Domo Arigatou" to Craig Bradshaw for this one.)

Ah, My Goddess!

Sometimes, what you wish for is exactly what you want.


Don't mess with the monster's sister.

Bubble Gum Crisis

There will always be a market for S-33 Boomers.

There is nothing impractical about having high-heels on your power-armor.

Blade Runner had more impact than I ever thought.

Five Star Stories

If you need bodyguards, Mirage Knights rule!

Mirage Knights rule.

Hokuto No Ken

The human body can contain 7 or more gallons of blood at up to 300 p.s.i.

The average native English-speaker can usually learn the Japanese for, "You are already dead," in 4 episodes or less.

Despite widespread public belief that it couldn't be done, Golden Nippon has proven they can create worse subtitling than Arctic Animation.

Giant Robo

If you have green hair and can teleport, your legs can withstand any environmental variation.

Giant Robo rules!

I really do need a giant robot.


There are an infinite number of alternate universes, each with its own Char look-alike.

There are really good and thoroughly bad people on each side in all wars.

Wars suck!

Kimagure Orange Road

When opportunity comes along, the trick is to catch the Red Hat.

Don't insult Madoka-san online!

Laputa: Castle In the Sky

There's nothing worse than having your pigtails shot off.

Real pirates wear pink tights.

Legend Of the Galactic Heroes

Wars suck, but fight well and come back alive, because you can't drink good tea when you're dead.

Listen to your best friend.

Wars suck!

Maison Ikkoku

Persistent determination and a burning desire will overcome cosmic misfortune and maniacal neighbors.

It is possible for an ink blot to be more of a man than I am.

Nausicaä Of the Valley Of Wind

"We will burn the forest and re-take the land" is one of the worst ideas of all time.

It is possible for a female ink blot to be more of a man than I am.

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Determined efforts are better than a miracle.

Don't take everything so damned seriously.

Don't take anything so damned seriously.

I really don't need a giant robot!

Ranma 1/2

Don't learn your Japanese pronunciation from Chinese amazons.

There is nothing unmanly about turning down a challenge. In fact, it's often the only smart thing to do.

Be Nice.  Don't Do Anything Stupid.  Shut Up.
 ("Domo Arigatou" & "Omedetou Gozaimasu" to my little brother Kyle for this one.)

Sailor Moon

Japanese shows can do just fine on American T.V. as long as you don't tell anyone they're Japanese.


Other Specific Lessons:

Studio Gainax

You can be a mega-fanboy, and still do really cool things!

With proper attention and care, the most cliché story premise in the world can be awe-inspiring.

The angle of the "camera shot" can be as much a part of the joke, tragedy, or climax as the action or drama itself.

Studio Ghibli

No matter how ridiculous it looks, it can fly.

Takahashi Rumiko-san

Don't swim in strange pools, and don't ever eat unidentified sushi.

Nothing is sillier than human relationships.

Nothing is more truly horrifying than the limits of human behavior.

Things only get weirder the longer they go on.

Always tell the truth!


And the Really Big Lessons:

Lack of communication leads to 90% of all problems. (the other causes being 5% magic & 5% giant robots)

Despite what we often hear, Americans are not overly concerned with outward appearances. In fact, we're rank amateurs.

You haven't experienced the full cofusion of modern gender relations until you've heard an angry group of women yelling, "We want tentacles!" at an all-night Hentai-fest.

I really do need SVHS.

Sempai.org Tonbo's Anime Page Last updated: 3/14/00

If you discover any of the links on my pages have stopped working, please let me know. If you have learned any important lessons from anime other than those I have listed here, please send them to me for review at tonbo@sempai.org
If I agree, I will add your words of wisdom to this list.